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Nice reviews Vern.
by Sprout
Jan 11th, 2008
04:26:50 AM
I'll definitely take a look at Missionary Man.
Third and proud
by gottaeat
Jan 11th, 2008
04:43:50 AM
That is indeed what we need.
I always had a soft spot for Demolition Man
by GravyAkira
Jan 11th, 2008
04:58:16 AM
Sure hope Snipes makes it back to the big screen. Dont let Blade 3 be the death of you!
Eagerly awaiting "I am Omega" review from Vern
by Shan
Jan 11th, 2008
05:15:13 AM
Because that's really what we wanted to see from an "I am Legend" film. The last man on Earth fighting mutants with martial arts and a wooden pole, not Will Smith getting all emotional.
Demolition man is great
by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks
Jan 11th, 2008
05:21:32 AM
might have to check this out if he's anything like the Pheonix.
VERN YOU CRACK ME UP!
by IAmMrMonkey!
Jan 11th, 2008
05:37:35 AM
And I can't believe Dolph arrives on a dragon!

Oh, I've just checked again and Dragon was option E not D. My mistake.

"He shoots a guy in the dick"
by IAmMrMonkey!
Jan 11th, 2008
05:44:57 AM
Now that's heroics!
I think Vern may be the only reason I come to AICN
by IAmMrMonkey!
Jan 11th, 2008
05:48:53 AM
That and all the crackpots on the tbs. Although now they've got rid of M-O-M and GABRIEL GRAY, it's a little bit saner.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STARING AT?!!"
by Han Cholo
Jan 11th, 2008
06:33:52 AM
"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE OUT THERE?!! DO YA? WHEN I'M FIGHTING THIS WAR, I KICK ASS, YOU KISS ASS, AND I'M BUSTING HEADS!! And these.. SHITHEADS, These yellow, traitoring motherfuckers.... they're everywhere. And I, Sargeant Andrew Scott of the US Army, I'm gonna teach em....... all........"
Great reviews
by Fuck The Napkin
Jan 11th, 2008
06:34:47 AM
We should have regular DTV action round-ups from Vern. Maybe don't give away all the cool deaths though... not that I'm likely to ever watch any of these, being honest.
the Olegs of the world always get shafted
by just pillow talk
Jan 11th, 2008
07:10:47 AM
One of the many injustices that still exist in today's society.
WAR: The Transporter versus Jet Li (some spoilage)
by Spandau Belly
Jan 11th, 2008
07:27:04 AM
That movie also featured almost no dynamic or charisma or fighting between two leads known for their personas and fighting. Will Jason Statham only fight unknowns? Is that it? Put him up against somebody I've heard of and he just resorts to shooting or something.

The wierd part about WAR is that there is a major twist involving the identity of Jet Li's character and Jet Li actually plays the part consistantly through the WHOLE film, not acting charismatically badassed until the big reveal and then suddenly acting damaged and hurt like a "twist" movie usually involves. I guess this is one time when I would actually have prefered weaker less consistant acting as it could've result in some good tough talkin' between the leads and maybe some more fighting. Same goes for Statham, there's a big reveal with him feeling immense guilt, and he actually plays it that way the whole movie. Statham does an okay job at playing a divorced corrupt cop dealing with regret failure and guilt, but I would've prefered his usual brand of smartassed toughguy because this movie was never going to be HEAT, but it could've been TRANSPORTER VERSUS JET LI.

I actually think WAR could've been a better movie if had been done worse if that makes sense. They had a good supporting cast of C-list all-stars including C-list queen Devon Aoki (2 Fast 2 Furious, DEBS, DOA: Dead or Alive) and the Yojimbo stuff with Jet Li playing the Triads against Yakuza in the first half was pretty intriguing plot-wise and a good set up for lots of action and hammy dialogue. But they kept the dialogue and action too conservative and realistic. I liked Jet Li killing a guy with a hub cap, but we needed more stuff like that and more Demolition Man level dialogue.
Vern`s the BEST!
by travis-dane
Jan 11th, 2008
07:36:00 AM
thats all.
such a wasted opportunity with Statham/Li
by just pillow talk
Jan 11th, 2008
07:36:16 AM
Just like that crappy One movie with them. I don't exactly remember, but didn't they NOT fight in that one too? Maybe Jet just kicked the gun out of Statham's hand or something?
Well, there was The One
by Shan
Jan 11th, 2008
07:43:31 AM
Mind you, if you had a situation where a guy is developing superman speed and strength from every alternate he murders, don't you think you should do more than send send just Statham and Delroy Lindo to try and stop him. You know, like a whole squad of people at the very least?
sax player character from MO' BETTER BLUES back for revenge
by triplefive
Jan 11th, 2008
07:45:51 AM
so awesome
Where's the strangest place you've had sex?
by ATARI
Jan 11th, 2008
07:45:54 AM
"Up the butt, Bob."

I can't decide which one to watch
by photoboy
Jan 11th, 2008
08:01:22 AM
Which film is it the girl takes it in the ass?
Ultimate triple team team-up
by Franklin T Marmoset
Jan 11th, 2008
08:11:10 AM
Since poor Wesley Snipes appears to be heading off along the path blazed by Mickey Rourke and Eric Roberts - the path of talented actors making do with material far below their capabilities - I say the three of them get together and make some kind of ultimate badass film about three hard as fuck guys fighting crime and punching people and smoking cigars and whatnot. I would totally watch it. For symmetry's sake, there should be a three man team of villains, but played by lesser actors. Dean Cain, Casper Van Dien, and... um... let's say, C Thomas Howell.

I think this idea could work. Any other story suggestions? Obviously, motorcycles will be involved, as will the drinking of neat liquor straight from the bottle. Also, at some point I figure one of our three heroes will set some petrol on fire with a lit cigar. Help me out here, AICN types.

P.S. for Shan - Vern's I Am Legend review is up at his site (by which I mean sight, of course) if you want to check it out.

Almost choked on my coffe!
by FILMFUNK
Jan 11th, 2008
08:26:50 AM
At this line - ''It's not terrible but nobody would remember it by the time they got home from the theater. At least now they can watch it and already be home so they will remember it at home for a short period of time.''
Dolph's flick
by Bloo
Jan 11th, 2008
08:27:51 AM
man I was JUST thinking last night about writing a movie aobut a former seminary student who gets tired of drug dealers in his neighborhood and starts off with hitting one with a baseball bat and then this morning I read about Dolph's flick MAN! oh well back to the drawing board...or maybe I should just stick with being a critic because you know what they say, those that can't critize

Franklin great concept, also C Thomas Howell needs to be caught and tortured by our trio whcich would include a cigar to the back or balls or something

Mr. Franklin Marmoset
by fiverabbit
Jan 11th, 2008
08:33:36 AM
I think Shan was looking for Vern's "I Am Omega" review with Mark Dacascos (who I think is also due for some more big screen time)...and not a review for I Am Legend.
Thanks
by Shan
Jan 11th, 2008
08:38:45 AM
Thanks Mr Marmoset, I must check out Vern's site again sometime soon. Fiverabbit is of course correct.
Vern: Comparision Between DTV and Harry Stamper...
by DarfurOnTheRocks
Jan 11th, 2008
08:39:41 AM
That is an excellent point that you make regarding the creation of these DTV epics. Would you agree that the task is similar to that of Harry Stamper to NEEDED to make 800 feet of drilling before he could get the hell out of that rock in Armageddon? Alas, for poor Harry, he did not make it off the rock, staying the ensure that the nuke went off...
Apologies, Shan and fiverabbit
by Franklin T Marmoset
Jan 11th, 2008
08:52:43 AM
This is what happens when I fall out of the loop for a bit.

In the interest of research, I have now been to the Youtube and watched the I Am Omega trailer, and I would like to say that I, too, am now anxiously awaiting Vern's review of this quickie knockoff starring Mark Dacascos fighting zombies with a stick. Also, possibly nunchucks, a previously unexplored method of dealing with the undead, I think. The film will probably be shit, but Vern's review should be good.

Is it wrong for me to look forward to a review more than the film itself?

Asylum Home Entertainment
by Franklin T Marmoset
Jan 11th, 2008
09:03:03 AM
In a fit of boredom, my search for info on I Am Omega lead me to the website of production company Asylum Home Entertainment. Holy shit, I want to work for these guys. They just crank out knockoffs of all manner of genre crap and, presumably, sit back back and watch the money roll in. Writing these kinds of films is the perfect job for me.

Other recent Asylum releases include Snakes On A Train and Alien Vs Hunter (starring Dedee Pfeiffer but with her name mis-spelled on the front of the box!). How cool are these guys? They can't even be bothered to spell the name of a semi-famous actress who has a much more famous sister with the exact same last name properly!

I am absolutely sending a CV to the fellows. Spandau Belly, I suggest you do the same.

Chaos came out in Germany almost 2 years ago.
by DerLanghaarige
Jan 11th, 2008
09:14:17 AM
I liked it. It was good. Not great, but entertaining and I guess it would have made its money in theatres, whithout being a blockbuster.
Franklin T Marmoset, I give you Two Lane Blood Top
by Spandau Belly
Jan 11th, 2008
09:30:49 AM
I've given your idea some thought and come up with an idea convoluted and rigged for action enough to be a DTV classic:

TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP

Our three lead heroes are a small gang of bikers who hunt serial killers vigilante style. I think Eric Roberts needs to be the leader of the pack with a shady special forces past. Later we find out that he used to be in the FBI but lost faith in the system and went vigilante. Dolph can be an illegal Russian immigrant who is drawn to the group simply because after seeing the corruption of many political systems he now only believes in personal justice. Snipes will play an extreme sports enthusiast who is drawn to the group out of hopes of getting revenge on the serial killer who killed his daughter.

The film will open with the team tracking a serial killer (C Thomas Howell) who enjoys skydiving. Snipes will go on a jump with the killer and confront him mid air about his killings and then inform him that his parachute is sabotaged and leave him to die. The group go out to celebrate their latest collar by hard drinking at a strip club (obviously). Then an FBI SWAT team show up and our team kicks their asses but then notices a bunch of laser sights on them so they raise their hands and smarmy FBI director Falco (Dean Cain) enters and says all he wants to do is talk to Eric Roberts. The two go into a back room and Falco tells Roberts that he doesn't like his biker crew making the FBI look bad and taking their collars, he goes on to threaten them and says he will frame them for some of the crimes they've solved unless they bring in the killer who killed Snipes's daughter alive and let the FBI take the credit.

The rest of the film will involve them hunting the serial killer who killed Snipes's daughter (Danny Trejo), and lead the FBI right to him. But Trejo escapes and takes a whole office building hostage, so Snipes has to infiltrate the building using rock-climbing skills on the surface of the skyscraper and kill Trejo personally. Meanwhile Roberts and Dolph take out FBI Director Falco by riding motorcycles right into FBI headquarters and wasting loads of agents and ultimately whipping Falco out the window where he lands impaled on a monument.
missionary man! masturbates by doing pushups into a watermelon!
by ironic_name
Jan 11th, 2008
09:57:36 AM
but really, Dolph kicks ass [almost as smart as Steven Hawking]
by ironic_name
Jan 11th, 2008
10:05:22 AM
http://tinyurl.com/2235b3

and missionary man sounds fun.

As a reviewer, Vern pulls a log through the snow...
by Zino
Jan 11th, 2008
10:07:20 AM
...he does the hard work of watching these movies so we don't have to.
As a director, Dolph pulls a log through the snow
by ironic_name
Jan 11th, 2008
10:10:31 AM
words to live by, pal.
I'm gonna go drop a log in the ocean
by ironic_name
Jan 11th, 2008
10:11:44 AM
that sounds like a legit DTV movie Spandau
by just pillow talk
Jan 11th, 2008
10:20:33 AM
if I ever heard one. The involvement of some bad Fed makes it bigger in scope, but not too big. We wouldn't want that in a DTV movie of course.
Spandau Belly:your movie needs HULK HOGAN...
by travis-dane
Jan 11th, 2008
10:47:08 AM
as the evil ENFORCER of Falco!He could have a hefty hand to hand with Dolph.Of course Hulk only shows up for the fight,when Dolph and Eric come in Falco`s office,Hulk is there and says something classy like:"Let me handle this boss!"then looks at Dolph and starts growling!
MISSIONARY MAN COMES IN PEACE
by Mullah Omar
Jan 11th, 2008
11:07:12 AM
Dolph always appears to be having a sincerely good time making films, something that I think elevates them above other movies like this. Dolph's PUNISHER and I COME IN PEACE are two of my all-time favorite B-movies.
Vern: Who Was the Greatest DTV Studio?
by DarfurOnTheRocks
Jan 11th, 2008
11:30:08 AM
My money is on Cannon. As a kid I knew I was getting my money's worth with that studio...
Valking Taww
by ArcadianDS
Jan 11th, 2008
11:32:28 AM
small town is rampaged by thugs who want a casino? Oh how our society has fallen when the likes of Buford Pusser has been replaced by Dolf Lundgren.
DTYT ™
by Hotscot
Jan 11th, 2008
12:31:51 PM
Direct To YouTube ™
Two Lane Blood Top romantic interest
by Hotscot
Jan 11th, 2008
12:48:16 PM
Oh and we need a romantic interest for Eric Roberts...let's see Eric Roberts did Mariah Carey a favour by appearing in her videos a couple of years ago. She'd be perfect for this movie since she can't act and she's got big melons...and she could be Dean Cains sister to add an unpredictable complexity to the script.
Hey Vern, Quick Question
by CutAndPaste
Jan 11th, 2008
01:10:14 PM
I've heard you mention it a bunch of times in your reviews and I'm never sure what the heck an "avid fart" is. Can you help me out?
CutAndPaste
by Vern
Jan 11th, 2008
01:36:28 PM
Thanks for asking. An Avid fart is an annoying editing technique that involves flashing through a bunch of frames or sped up shots, usually accompanied by a "whoosh" or "thoooom" or "choooonk" sound effect. I believe it was originally used for things like in that Lance Henriksen TV show Millennium when he had a psychic vision. But then they started using it just as a meaningless transition between scenes in many movies and TV shows, because they think it adds production value or style. But it really just makes it seem shitty.

I call it the Avid fart because Avid is the name of the first commonly used digital editing system, and it's this technology that has made Avid farts easy. So editors with no self control start pushing buttons thinking they are adding to the movie by throwing in all kinds of annoying crap that does not add to the movie.

Sorry I had to explain this. I use the term alot because I'm trying to trick people into thinking it's part of their daily lexicon.

Thanks Vern
by CutAndPaste
Jan 11th, 2008
02:01:13 PM
I feel smarter. Thanks.
nobody was fucked to death by a horse?
by johnnyangel
Jan 11th, 2008
02:20:12 PM
I'm there!
Spandu and Franklin
by Bloo
Jan 11th, 2008
02:25:50 PM
great treatment right there, but you forgot the aformentioned love intrest, but the Mariah Carey suggestion was killer, but I don't know if she'd get nekkid and that's what this needs, also we need at least one explosion casued by the cigars as Franklin orgianlly mentioned...and I still think a torture scene with a cigar to the balls is needed

Franklin thanks for the heads up Asylum, crap now I want to work for them

or maybe we could just start our own film production company surely there is some rich bored TBer out there willing to pony up for TalkBack Productions?

Talking about Wesley
by Andillformthehead
Jan 11th, 2008
03:01:32 PM
What happened to Gallowwalker? This definitely is going DTV so they should make history and make it the first Hi-Def DTV. That'll get Wesley's name in the papers for something other than tax evasion.
Great reviews, Vern
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 11th, 2008
03:54:19 PM
I finally watched URBAN JUSTICE and was not disappointed. Guess I'll have to take a run at MISSIONARY MAN now.
Dolph is a badass.
by TattooedBillionaire
Jan 11th, 2008
04:30:22 PM
I'll probably watch that one at one point. Poor Mr. Snipes. He deserves better.
reshoots on TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP
by Spandau Belly
Jan 11th, 2008
04:35:22 PM
You guys have some great suggestions for fleshing out this story. I was originally thinking of modelling the Dean Cain character 'Falco' after the villain in Ultraviolet, who was a smug pencil-pushing posh-dressing professional bureaucrat but also suddenly a master samurai when the plot required a big swordfight at the end. But I also like the idea of Hulk Hogan showing up as his goon. Especially if you never see him before. In a good movie you'd have Hogan always standing behind Falco with his arms crossed or something, but I think it would be more DTV to just suddenly add a key henchman at the end, like we could only afford him for one day or something.

I also think there's plenty of room for our crew of badasses to toture snitches with cigars for info while they hunt down Trejo. Maybe they could torture a bar owner on his own bar and then when he finally gives up the information Roberts chucks a cigar at the shelves of whiskey behind the bar and they ignite, followed by some one-liner like "This is one hot club."

The love interest is easy to write in. We just make her a stripper at the club at the begining. Mariah Carey would be pretty funny, and somebody mentioned the need for big knockers and I figured we could get Keeley Hazell or Gemma Atkinson for the added bonus of a a bad English actress trying to fake a dodgy Yank accent.

Thanks for your suggestions guys. Someday when I'm an advanced trash auteur I'll bring you all with me as consultants.
Cannon
by supersize
Jan 11th, 2008
05:09:37 PM
From what I remember the majority of there films were theatrical
great reshoots Spandu
by Bloo
Jan 11th, 2008
05:13:37 PM
I still say there has got to be some TBer out there who just won the lottery and instead of spending it on cheap hookers has got to want to go into the DTV buisness...I'm telling ya TalkBack Pictures is GOLD BABY GOLD
"Snipes disappears for alot of the movie"
by thegreatwhatzit
Jan 11th, 2008
05:19:41 PM
Same vanishing act he pulled to elude the IRS. His new tag line, when confronrted by the bad guys, is "You're all racists" (he tried-out that line in Florida...didn't work very well).
And as Eric..
by Hotscot
Jan 11th, 2008
06:31:51 PM
..lights the gasoline/fuse with his cigar he needs to quip. "I told you smoking is bad for you." That line is paramount.
Spandau Belly:we also need stock footage...
by travis-dane
Jan 11th, 2008
06:47:22 PM
from a big Blockbuster,maybe for a total Badass action scene,where the main carakters wear the same clothes like the dudes in the other movie(like they did with some Treat Williams DTV,where he looks like Arnie in Last Action Hero)!It needs to be from a biker movie(maybe Vern`s favorite Stone Cold),so we could involve some big explosions for almost zip!And it would be total DTV!And dont forget a voice over from Roberts to explain some shit like:"I was sick of letting the Psychos get away,so I droped my Shield and fired up my Harley...".And THE WURST BROTHERS need to do the score(the dudes really exist,experts for DTV,they did the score for the never released FF4 movie)!Thanks for your time.
Eric Roberts has to wear a turtleneck
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 11th, 2008
07:16:37 PM
In at least one scene. And a plain grey trenchcoat. Every villian needs a turtleneck/trenchcoat scene.
And of course slow motion..
by Hotscot
Jan 11th, 2008
07:20:55 PM
..where our three guys are walking towards the camera and the bar is blowing up behind them. Essential shot and that's probably the money shot for this movie.
Caruso. Eric is the good guy not villian.
by Hotscot
Jan 11th, 2008
07:25:02 PM
I would buy stock in TalkBack Productions
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 11th, 2008
07:28:55 PM
Probably not a wise financial move, but this is for art.
Sorry, Hotscot
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 11th, 2008
07:32:04 PM
He's played a lot of villians in his career, so my brain immediately made the assumption. I apologize to the Roberts family for my mistake.
Though McQueen wore a turtleneck in BULLIT
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 11th, 2008
07:34:51 PM
So I think Roberts could still pull it off.
We need Spandau to round this up.
by travis-dane
Jan 11th, 2008
07:35:47 PM
He is like our headwriter.Maybe VERN himself has some chops there!
I mean BULLITT
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 11th, 2008
07:43:51 PM
Jesus, I'm fucking up left and right around here.
The site is fucking again with me!Damn slow downs!
by travis-dane
Jan 11th, 2008
07:45:43 PM
I am out guys!Keep it up,I see some DTV-sequel potential here!Like:Two-Lane Blood-Top2:The Usbekian Connection!(some NUKE smuggling shit,you know the drill)!Good Night Ladies and Gents!
I want to be the quip editor
by Hotscot
Jan 11th, 2008
07:46:10 PM
UNIVERSAL SOLDIER 17 : LET'S BLAME IT ON THE LOBSTER
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 11th, 2008
08:39:32 PM
Better late than never.
Coming Soon!
by otm shank
Jan 12th, 2008
01:49:03 AM
Missionary Man 2: DOGGIESTYLE Missionary Man 3: REVERSE COWGIRL
We joke about this shit now
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
03:19:59 AM
But some fucking hack could be reading this and before you know it TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP will be opening in theaters all across the country, starring Tom Cruise or some shit.
Two Lane Blood Top - A TalkBack Production
by Franklin T Marmoset
Jan 12th, 2008
08:19:52 AM
Thanks to all for the suggestions. Once again, Mr Belly, you know how to work that DTV-style magic. My only worry now is it seems like Mickey Rourke is being left out of the mix, and he deserves better than that.

I say make him a grizzled former motorcycle stunt rider who now fights crime on a bike that has twin chainsaws where the headlights are supposed to be. Also, he smokes cigars and drinks neat liquor and hangs out at strip clubs. Obviously. During the course of the film we will discover that Rourke's wife was having an affair with Danny Trejo shortly before Trejo brutally murdered her. Now, Rourke is out for revenge on the guy who both fucked and killed his wife. It is a rough and conflicted road for Mickey Rourke.

P.S. Maybe I'm a little drunk without realising it, but this seems like a pretty good idead to me. I would definitely watch this film.

Me too,me too!
by travis-dane
Jan 12th, 2008
08:34:42 AM
But looks like Trejo needs some Psycho partner(four on one is too much!),maybe....SEAGAL!IMAGINE THAT GUYS!Seagal going psycho with his mumbling voice and slow but deadly moves,THATs DTV`s FINEST allstar cast!And the dudes will star for DTV prices!Man great stuff here!
It's not just you, Mr. Marmoset
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
08:45:13 AM
If only the people who make shitty DTV flicks had an ounce of the creativity that you folks have. Instead we've got to suffer through shit like BOA VS. PYTHON 2: RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE.
Hopefully MACHETE will change that
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
08:47:24 AM
Except they'll probably pussy out and release it theatrically.
Turns out BvP2 doesn't actually exist
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
08:49:25 AM
Probably just another airplane glue-induced hallucination.
It would be an interesting experiment, I think
by Franklin T Marmoset
Jan 12th, 2008
08:59:13 AM
We're always moaning about films and whatnot - this is shit, that's shit, Chris Klein is a douche, etc. It would be a lark, I reckon, to try writing a screenplay as a community and see if it's any good. Everyone from the TB pitching in with ideas and whatnot. I wonder what would happen?

Obviously, the Chris Klein problem is beyond our control, but maybe we could end up with a pretty decent trashy load of nonsense with Wesley Snipes in it. That would be pretty damn cool.

Okay, but if you're aiming for Snipes...
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
09:03:01 AM
...then you should expect to get Don "The Dragon" Wilson. I hear he works for food.
Maybe after TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
09:05:26 AM
We could take a run at my "DIE HARD in space" movie, ASTRONAUT COP.
Yeah,we need Spandau to write this up in a...
by travis-dane
Jan 12th, 2008
09:09:05 AM
orderly manner.And a Rourke/Seagal fight would be the SHIT!
Somebody on here
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
09:17:42 AM
Must know a rich old meiser who is easily coerced into doing insane shit like financing a movie dreamed up by action nerds with only the faintest grasp on the English language.
Count me in for the soundtrack
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 12th, 2008
10:37:35 AM
It could use some Moog ARPish John Carpenter-style sounds.
And a lot of repetitive bass notes
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
10:45:20 AM
It needs some cheezy poprock song...
by travis-dane
Jan 12th, 2008
10:54:21 AM
like from Poison or Europe for the opening when Roberts quits his FBI job!And of course when the credits start to roll we need some Motorhead rippoff song!
Man, it won't be long now...
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
11:00:36 AM
...soon somebody's gonna say there should be a guy in a gorilla suit masturbating on Bridget the Midget while everybody runs around real fast like Benny Hill and Danny Trejo should crap a solid gold turd right into Hillary Clinton's mouth as the Dating Game theme plays.
Okay
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
11:02:45 AM
So I was that guy.
Hollywood should remake The Benny Hill show...
by travis-dane
Jan 12th, 2008
11:17:17 AM
I miss the dude!They should call it:AvP3:the Benny Tapes.The Predator and The Aliens chase each other,running in circles and every now and then the Predator stops and snogs an Alien on the bald head,then they start running again(but faster this time),then they stop and a Alien kicks the Predator in the arse,then running again...(imagine that with the great YACKETI-SAX tune from the Benny Hill show)!Should be more fun then AvP2!
Get a few dwarves to play Pred kiddies
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
11:27:41 AM
Maybe one can play the guitar with his face, like Howard the Duck at the end of HOWARD THE DUCK.
Holy Shit this site is really dead right now!
by travis-dane
Jan 12th, 2008
11:45:57 AM
Even at the Clover TB is nothing.
THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!!!
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 12th, 2008
11:58:49 AM
It's about time somebody put that song to good use. Ewok guitar solo, that's what I'm thinking.
It's flowin' like mud around here
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
11:59:37 AM
My magical midget powers have no effect!
It could be used in a montage
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
12:10:17 PM
As the heroes prepare for the final confrontation with the bad guys. Lots of close-ups of sweaty biceps as they lift weights and swap motorcycle transmissions or something.
The montage ends...
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
12:11:15 PM
...with them exchanging high fives.
This is not the right place for your...
by travis-dane
Jan 12th, 2008
12:25:40 PM
magical midget powers!Use them on the Clover TB or at Sly TB!Here is the realm of the MIGHTY DTV!
Did anyone ever see Stallone's
by Grammaton Cleric Binks
Jan 12th, 2008
12:36:01 PM
Eye See You DTV. It looked promising, but I haven't seen it and would like to know if it's worth it or not.
I saw it as D-TOX,it is not bad,over the average..
by travis-dane
Jan 12th, 2008
12:45:00 PM
DTV.Sly`s in it,they had some money.It is no Gold but solid timekiller movie.
Oh Sweet Jesus I just saw Crank last night.....
by BetaRayBill07
Jan 12th, 2008
12:50:01 PM
Thats 90 minutes of my life I'll never get back.
I overheard bits of it...
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
12:50:39 PM
...while it was playing in another room. My findings were inconclusive.
D-TOX=Eye See You,just to clear that up.
by travis-dane
Jan 12th, 2008
12:55:42 PM
TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP: Unrated Special Collector's Edition
by Spandau Belly
Jan 12th, 2008
01:22:28 PM
You guys really understand this artform. I like the ideas of having pointless narration from the Roberts character, and I agree with Franklin that Mickey Rourke should be in on this, so maybe we can have Rouke actually do Roberts's narration track. I remember in Vern's Seagalogy he talked about a movie where it was clearly not Seagal's voice during narration moments and that would add an extra level of entertainment.

I also like the classic DTV move of using scraps from other movies, so maybe Dean Cain could also have an internal monologue track assembled from Harrison Ford's Blade Runner narration. And of course all the explosions and shots of helicopters and stuff will be re-used scraps from whatever.

I like the way you guys all chipping in your ideas makes this like a real DTV film where all the stupid financiers get to have their wish shoehorned into the plot and the result is a more convaluted and bloated film. Maybe we can even add a poitnless flashbacks of Dolph's career as a Soviet assassin who was betrayed by his own government. But we'd have to do it total DTV flashback style where you keep getting the same flashback throughout the movie but with one extra detail each time the flashback occurs. Most DTV heroes' flashbacks result in you seeing the same fucking footage six times by the end of the movie. And it has to be shot in blurry bleached-out shakey cam with lots of whooshing noises puntuacted by ominous rumbling booms. Maybe even re-use some of the stuff from Van Damme's IN HELL. That movie had lots of good whooshy repetative flashbacks that contributed nothing but running time.

And I will gladly accept Stuntcock Mike's original John Carpenteresque score. Feel free to sample old Nintendo games. I would be honoured if our production actually reached the level of recognition to get sued by whatever elderly Japanese man wrote the midi songs for MegaMan 2 or Double Dragon or whatever.
And of course Kari Wuhrer must co-star
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 12th, 2008
02:51:56 PM
or at least play someone who shows fair amounts of cleavage. And by fair, I mean lots.
ERIC ROBERTS ACTUAL NARRATION!!!!
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 12th, 2008
02:58:18 PM
"I'm driving." "Where am I going?" "I don't know, but she does." "She says we need gas, and you know what? She's right." "Dead right." She doesn't know it yet, but it's the last stop she'll ever make." Maybe throw in a line from Naked Gun, "She had the kind of legs you'd like to suck on for a day"
Right on guys,this movie will OWN the DTV...
by travis-dane
Jan 12th, 2008
03:16:20 PM
market for minimum 10years!People will whisper his name in dark streets,gangsters will watch it,some RAP dude will have a Poster of it shown in "CRIBS" and then....TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP SPECIAL TWO DISC EDITION UNRATED CUT!With never before seen footage of Hogan growling,Dolph`s flashback uncut(it is the same of course,just with some shots from Red Scorpion added)and a BRANDNEW ending where our Heroes leave the FBI HQ through the backdoor instead of the frontdoor and get gunned down in a violent way with Roberts narrating something like:"I knew when I dropped my SHIELD,I would not getaway clean!"Fade to black with gunfire and grunts(Rourke is a master grunter!).
curse of snipes
by huggerorange
Jan 12th, 2008
04:23:04 PM
Funny reviews, I will probably rent all 3 whenever im not so broke..When are we getting a trailer for the zombie western- gallowwalker (I think its called)movie?I hope the snipes curse didnt screw up the chances of that being released in theaters or at all for that matter.
A word on pointless flashbacks
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
05:28:34 PM
There must also be at least one flashback to a scene that happened only two minutes earlier. This is another DTV staple (URBAN JUSTICE being the most recent example that I can think of).
Stuntcock Mike
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
05:30:56 PM
That Eric Roberts narration is some funny shit.
don't diss Eric Roberts...
by lynxpro
Jan 12th, 2008
06:20:58 PM
He is in *The Dark Knight*, after all...and I still contend that I liked him better as "The Master" in *Doctor Who* than John Simm in the same role... Plus, you shouldn't mess with a guy that is so powerful that his loins produces a babe as hot as Emma Roberts. That's some mojo there.
Kari Wuhrer had breast cancer
by Spandau Belly
Jan 12th, 2008
06:37:41 PM
She actually wrote an article in some magazine I read talking about her odessy of getting implants and then debating getting them removed and when she went to have them removed they found a tumor and she now no longer has her hallmark rack/career.

However I'd be happy to enlist Susan Ward to play one of those 'CSI' type FBI agents who wear a black power suit with no blouse and her implants pushed up to her chin and her long hair never tied back but is treated with total professional respect accept for maybe one scene where some thug calls her "lil' girl" and she quickly squeezes his nuts and retorts "You shouldn't be callin' anybody little, tiny." and he winces to show that he knows he has small balls.

And thanks Mr. Caruso for the DTV classic flashback that is really just reusing scenes from earlier in the film. That's a must. Especially when you replay an action scene from earlier and take out the cheesy electric guitar music that was supposed to make the violence cool earlier and now in the flashback replace it with a juxtaposed stark piano cords and the echoed distant sound of children playing so that this time the scene plays with a "haunting" tone.

Anyway, I'm off to a rap concert now. I'll maybe see you guys tomorrow, but in all likelyhood when I go back to work on Monday. Cheers
Just finished some music for it.
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 12th, 2008
06:57:40 PM
http://profile.myspace.com/ind ex.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewpro file&friendID=93569475
Sorry to hear that,I liked Kari,cancer sucks!
by travis-dane
Jan 12th, 2008
07:00:45 PM
I wonder what Rap concert Spandau has gone to?
Kari Wuhrer had breast cancer!?
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 12th, 2008
07:03:53 PM
That sucks. Is Dana Plato available?(kidding)
She was hot in THE HITCHER 2
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 12th, 2008
07:09:30 PM
So hot.
Stuntcock Mike:the link is not working.
by travis-dane
Jan 12th, 2008
07:14:55 PM
Would like to hear your tune man.Cool you do that shit!
Shit. O.k. Here .
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 12th, 2008
07:24:05 PM
Go to MySpace. Click on music. Type COLD MONK into search. Only one result should come up. That's my music page. You'll know right away because the first song is called TWO LANE BLOOD TOP.
HARRRY! FIX YOUR DAMN SERVER POST-HASTE!!!
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 12th, 2008
07:31:04 PM
So slow.
Stuntcock Mike:Yes my man,I was smiling the whole time!
by travis-dane
Jan 12th, 2008
07:44:17 PM
That is the right score for the opening when Trejo drives up to the house of Snipes to kill his wife!Fine work!And you are right,the site kills me too,it is getting worse and worse!
travis-dane: Glad you liked it.
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 12th, 2008
07:52:59 PM
More to follow. I'm packing it in for the evening though, this bogged down site is frustrating the shit outta me. Goodnight all. Back in the morning. Keep the faith.
We need NAMES for our cast!My ideas:
by travis-dane
Jan 12th, 2008
07:54:07 PM

Roberts=James W. Marshall

Lundgren=Oleg Kuzmin

Snipes=Larry Y. Washington

Rourke=Brad Armstrong

Trejo=Javier"El Diablo Locco"Mendez

Cain=Spec.Agent Whitemoore

Shit forgot that Cain allready had a name...
by travis-dane
Jan 12th, 2008
08:00:47 PM
sorry guys!It is:FBI Director M.Falco(M=Mitchel,but in DTV such dudes never have firstnames).
HOW ABOUT: ERIC ROBERTS AS.......ERIC ROBERTS
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 12th, 2008
08:03:31 PM
O.k. see you tommorow.
TWO LANE BLOOD TOP CAMEOS, if I may...
by Stuntman Shaun
Jan 12th, 2008
08:21:41 PM
Jake Busey as the psycho, Law & Order type prisoner who fills in the missing pieces of the puzzle when offered a plea bargain. Rutger Hauer as the Kingpin that delivers the long winded but meaningfull monolougue at the films climax. And Patrick Lussier, king of DTV, as director.
great music Stuntcock
by Bloo
Jan 12th, 2008
08:34:55 PM
ok as I work at a newspaper as a movie reviwer I will offer my services as publicity for TalkBack Studios/Pictures/Productions whatever it's called

I honestly think that this has some potential and am also willing to pony up some cash, not a lot as I'm poor, but am willing to pony up

as an expirement you know DTV might just be the way to go

some other thoughts. I was telling a buddy of mine, who cannot appreciate a good DTV, about this and he just shook his head then proceeds to tell me that someone needs to make a movie about the Mexian Mafia and the Triad fighting against each other, so I think we need to incorparte one or the other in there. I don't remember where Spandu set the movie but it has to be either in the SW or Cali where it unexplaininly has a large FBI building for Dir. Falco. Finally I think we need to have Cynthia Rothrock as Mickey Rourke or Wesley Snipes wife, the one that has the affair with Danny Trejo. She hasn't done a movie since 2004 (I looked) so she might work pretty cheap

travis I was thinking
by Bloo
Jan 12th, 2008
08:46:18 PM
about your name for Snipes, change Larry to like Elijah or Elisha and have some throwaway line about how his mother or grandmother was a "holy roller" or something
travis I was thinking
by Bloo
Jan 12th, 2008
08:50:54 PM
about your name for Snipes, change Larry to like Elijah or Elisha and have some throwaway line about how his mother or grandmother was a "holy roller" or something

Also Jeffery Falcon from Six String Samurai needs to be in this somewhere too

Stuntcock
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 12th, 2008
11:30:34 PM
That is some serious Carpenter-esque shit, man. It immediately forms an image of this film in your mind. Danny Trejo has to be introduced with an EXTREME FUCKING CLOSE-UP on his eyes, as an homage to ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST.
Javier "El Diablo Locco" Mendez
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
02:46:09 AM
Nice, travis-dane. Very nice.
missionary man comes in youur wife
by ironic_name
Jan 13th, 2008
03:15:28 AM
my keyboard sucks, i won't fix the youur
Bloo:Cynthia Rothrock is the way to go!
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
08:01:41 AM
Imagine the hefty hand to hand with her and Trejo`s "El Diablo Locco",where she does her trademark"dude is holdig me from behind and I kick him over the shoulder in the face"move!And the violent death to a DTV ICON like Cynthia Rothrock would shake the SHIT up from the start(Trejo only wins by cheating of course)!And then everytime Snipes remembers her,there is a flashback of her being cheated to death by Trejo!We are getting some deep DTV love here guys!
Roberts name could also be:Nathan Hunter...
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
08:11:14 AM
Sounds a little like Ethan Hunt(DTV loves to ripoff names)!And he is narrating something like:"My name`s Hunter,but my friends only call me THE Hunter,because I hunt the scumbags down that THEY let get away,I even dropped my SHIELD for it!"We need more of that.
Just added three more songs.
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 13th, 2008
08:24:20 AM
Someone start fleshing out the narrative. We must do this!
Shit,have to go now but will be back!
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
08:27:40 AM
See ya later Gents!
Thanks Bloo. Here's an idea for a review:
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 13th, 2008
09:16:42 AM
In keeping with the whole DTV theft of ideas theme: "I only have four words to describe this movie. THERE WILL BE BLOOD!!!"
"Don't mess with the Missionary Man"
by MrMysteryGuest
Jan 13th, 2008
11:55:23 AM
Remember that Eurythmics song with Annie Lennox as a robot?
Glad I came back on this fine Sunday afternoon
by Spandau Belly
Jan 13th, 2008
12:22:47 PM
You guys are really fleshing this thing out. I originally had the setting of a desert like Arizona in mind for most of the road scenes and obviously the city stuff at the end will be shot in Vancouver, but I guess we could act like it's L.A.

As for the names, I liked the idea Roberts being called Nathan Hunter, but here are my suggestions:

Roberts - Randy Buckler

Dolph - Nikolai (no last name)

Snipes - Ponner Bounce

Susan Ward - Agent Greys, agents never have first names in these movies.

Gemma Atikinson - Saphire Perkins(a good stripper name)

Trejo - they'll just refer to him by his serial killer name "The Alchemist", it sounds like a good cheesy Zodiac Killer knockoff to me. We could have the FBI characters do one of those expository briefing sessions and Falco says "The Alchemist" earned his name because he thinks he's 'curing' people by torturing them to death and Agent Greys (Susan Ward) can retort "I'd like a few hours in one of our interogation rooms to 'cure' him."
Triads versus Mexicans
by Spandau Belly
Jan 13th, 2008
12:30:07 PM
As for the idea of Triads versus Mexicans, let's save that for the sequel TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP 2: RAMPAGE ROAD. I think it would be cool if Mexicans were helping smuggle Chinese immigrants into the States by hiding them in pinatas. But one of the head Triad guys is a sadistic serial killer in his spare time, and so our crew of badassed heroes kill him. This results in the Triad not paying the Mexicans on time so the Mexicans smash the pinatas with the illegal immigrants still inside and war breaks out on the streets of Mexico.

I think we could actually write this sequel by taking the scripts for INTO THE SUN and LETHAL WEAPON 4 and just shuffling the pages like playing cards. And since its set in Mexico and has shooting, Robert Rodriguez would get involved and therefore we could count on some slumming from known actors like Bruce Willis or Antonio Banderas. Rodriguez also worked with Jordana Brewster on The Faculty, so maybe we could have her as Roberts's estranged half-Mexican daughter who is somehow caught up in all of this. Maybe make her an inocent pinata artist who knows that if she stopped making smuggling pinatas the Mexican mob would kill her. Even if she won't be in the movie, maybe I could just have her phone number.
rap concert
by Spandau Belly
Jan 13th, 2008
12:36:07 PM
I went to see a rapper called Kid Sister. She was pretty good, if you like oldschool chick rappers like Salt n Peppa. There were two opening acts, a DJ pair that did good scratchy-scratch techno stuff that reminded me of my teenage days as a raver, and this other rap guy calling himself Heineken Root, he seemed like a total poser and his voice was too high to be a regular rapper but not high enough to be Mark "Return of the Mack" Morrison or Curtis Mayfield or somebody whose high voice is their trademark.
I Love Danny Trejo!
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
02:48:01 PM
Really.Hope he comes to Usbekistan someday.
A Danny Trejo talkback would kill me
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
03:40:05 PM
Just picturing that guy sitting at his computer, getting more pissed by the second as a bunch of nerds ask him who he could beat up, etc.
"Oleg's Lament"
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
03:53:14 PM
That's a bitchin' tune, Stuntcock. "Washington Is A Punk" sounds like a techno beat could come in at any time. And the picture of Eric Roberts next to "Prelude To A Gunfight" makes me nervous. And the song is good, too. Will there be a spanish influence on the music, at some point? I mean, you got the desert, motorcycles, Danny Trejo. And, of course, crunchy metal guitars so we know that what's happening onscreen is really awesome.
Dolph's the man
by Prossor
Jan 13th, 2008
04:08:10 PM
i hope he starts going theatrical, if he keeps his "log dragging" in DTV he eventually will i say!
OK guys,my script outline for T.L.B.T!(could be long!)
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
04:11:23 PM

Movie starts with Stuntcock`s tune and a extreme Closeup to Trejos eyes.As the camera pulls back we see he`s driving down a street in Suburbia(in a 88`s Chevy,brown),then he stops in front of a house(nice family house,green grass,toys laying around...),gets out of the car,wears black boots,leatherpants and nothing else!He`s sweating(it is hot in suburbia)and looks around,reaches back in the car and comes up with a Machete!Some kids see him and run away.He starts moving towards the house.Stuntcock`s tune ends,as we are in the house and Trejo kicks in the door from the outside,as he walks in we see a BIG devilface tattooed on his back!Then we see Rothrock standing in the livingroom.She looks like she knew he was coming,they stare at each other for 3-4 seconds then start to move slowly,circling each other.Then they get in a nasty fight,the whole livingroom gets wasted(one of them falls through the glass table,one crashes the Plasma...),no music,just grunting and the sound of fists hitting flesh.Rothrock disarms Trejo with some fancy tripple legkick and roundhouse kicks him through the panorama window(in slomo)!She`s pretty confident now and jumps out too,just to see him lying flat on the face,then we hear a kid cry,Rothrock turns her head(slomo starts again),Trejo rolls around and sports a HUGE handgun(we know he had none before,DTV magic),a sixshooter and creams her(all bullets of course,huge bloodshet...)!As she starts to fall Stuntcock`s tune starts again and a Flashback beginns(we see her arguing with Snipes about the affair she has with this "mexican gangster",she yells at him for never being around,he loves his extreme sports more then her and his son and she fucks with Trejo because she likes danger too(!),Snipes is shocked,grabs the kid and leaves).When the FB ends she hits the ground.We see from her perspective Trejo`s face coming to frame,as he says:"No BITCH leaves El Diablo Locco!",then he spits blood on her face and leaves(we hear a car driving away fast),Rothrock whispers the name of Snipes and dies with blood coming out of her mouth.

Cut to

The Funeral!The Main guys are all there(except Rourke,he comes in later).The narration from Roberts starts,as the camera slowly pans across the faces of them,he says:"Back then we all believed in our justice system,but that is long gone...". As he speaks we see a montage of the three standing in front of a Courtroom and Trejo walks by with a big grin on his face talking to his lawyer(getting away with the kill,because somebody messed up some paperwork and the system does not work in DTV).The narration continues:"That day we started doing JUSTICE our way"!As they walk away from the funeral the ROCK music starts for the main titles,they start the Harleys and drive off in formation(they allways drive in fomation on DTV)!

That all should take place in the first 10 minutes before the main titles.After the main titles we learn that 2 years passed since the kill and we are right in the middle of the parachuting action with C.Thomas Howell!

That is my take on the start,I would like to see some more parts of you fellas,for the rest of the movie.

holy fucking shit, Stuntcock
by Spandau Belly
Jan 13th, 2008
04:14:35 PM
This music is amazing. If I had a car I'd drive around listening to it. I do have an Xbox and a car game, so I can play that with your music. You're very talented.

I can definately picture 'Prelude to a Gunfight' playing as Roberts and Dolph roll up on the FBI headquarters with Roberts's Terminator 2 knockoff narration:

"We were writing our own destiny with our balls, a pen that never runs out. We knew there there was a good chance one or both or neither of us would come out of there alive. But Falco has to be stopped. He's as much a threat to the innocence of freedom and the freedom of mankind as any of the sorry sacks my crew and I have put down during these many years of hard justice and lonely nights. We were in the beast's backyard, and we sure as shit weren't going to leave without pissing on his Slip-n-slide."

Roberts looks at Dolph and asks "You ready, commrade?", Dolph replies "I was concieved ready."
And I'm cool with Dolph being called Oleg
by Spandau Belly
Jan 13th, 2008
04:26:36 PM
But no last name, even during his flashbacks to his days in the Red Army, his military supreriors will even call him only by his (common) first name.

But I want Snipes to have a first name that ends in 'er' like Trucker or Shover or Thrower. Kicker Washington has a nice ring to it.
If Rothrock is Snipes' wife
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
04:26:53 PM
Then that means Mickey will have to be the guy getting revenge for his daughter. I've just been reading through all this and it is one long and twisting road. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around it.
Elijah "Kicker" Washington
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
04:30:23 PM
He stepped on his first skateboard when he was four years old and he's been doing it ever since. Snowboarding, base-jumping, extreme jump-rope. He's done it all. He holds the record for the most consecutive broken bones. He was even shot out of a cannon once.
RE:Elijah "Kicker" Washington!Thats it man!
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
04:42:41 PM

Stuntcock:great tunes,but do one with heavy guitar riffs.

caruso:Snipes outline is gold!And the Rourke thing can be worked out(It is DTV!everything goes)

Spandau:Oleg rules(and for the man VERN,without him none of this madness would have happend!)Give us the fletched out parachute action scene.

Nathan Hunter + Agent Greys
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
04:43:34 PM
Could Agent Greys be Hunter's old partner/protégé/lover? It would add a personal angle to our heroes doing the FBI's work for them. Greys could resent Hunter for how he "turned his back on the system."
RE:Nathan Hunter + Agent Greys,sex FB scene...
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
04:48:03 PM
You know we need it!With cheezy piano music.
Another piece to add to the convoluted plot...
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
04:58:29 PM
The FBI wants our boys to track down Trejo, right? Well what if they also wanted them to bring in C. Thomas Howell? The problem, of course, being that Snipes has already killed him in a skydiving "accident." Of course, Howell will not truly be dead. This can be explained in any number of ways. None that will actually reveal how he survived the fall, though.
RE:C. Thomas Howell,that would be to much...
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
05:12:21 PM
of a good idea to leave out!:-)
caruso_stalker217
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 13th, 2008
05:30:24 PM
I'll get to work.
We were writing our own destiny with our balls"
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 13th, 2008
05:32:26 PM
That, my friend, is the best line of dialog I have ever heard.
Heavy guitar, spanish music.
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 13th, 2008
05:34:50 PM
I'll work on both. Anyone have any other ideas? I need a project to keep me busy.
In Germany we will call it:The City Shark 2!
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
05:39:59 PM
Stuntcock,you are digging up some gold there brotha(Hulk Hogan voice)!When your soundtrack is done,I have to use it for my RPG group,hope you dont mind?
Though his name is never revealed in the film
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
06:10:15 PM
Hulk Hogan shall be credited as "Babe, Falco's Enforcer."
"I was conceived ready."
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
06:11:57 PM
Another brilliant line from Spandau Belly.
travis-dane
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 13th, 2008
06:14:46 PM
No problem
Hogans name has to be in HUGE letters on the box...
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
06:19:02 PM
so everybody thinks he will be around all the time(old DTV trick),hehe.
Hello?looks like the site is running good again.
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
07:29:25 PM
Guys it is 2.30 in the morning here,where is the DTV love.
It's 5:30 in the afternoon here
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
07:32:56 PM
And the DTV love is in my pants.
Allright then!We need a action scene from you...
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
07:42:56 PM
what about the hefty hand to hand with Hogan and Dolph?Give us some caruso gold here!i am really tired...cant come up with own stuff,so give me some fine moments here Gents.
Hogan and Dolph
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
07:51:57 PM
This fight will be juxtaposed with the Eric Roberts/Dean Cain fight, which is the most personal of the two because Roberts taught Dean Cain everything he knows. More on that later. Anyway, Dolph and Hogan's fight will take place on one floor. Since they will be fighting through offices and shit (sometimes throwing each other through walls) they will utilize whatever is at hand. They hurl computers at each other, break dozens of those swiveling office chairs. Hogan could actually use one of these chairs to smack Dolph through a bulletin board, or perhaps a window. They might even end up in the bathroom where they will throw each other through bathroom stalls, knocking over a partition and revealing a middle-aged guy taking a shit. The guy jumps up and gets the hell out of there. Then Dolph shoves Hogan's head in the shit-filled toilet and holds it there until he expires. Then Dolph goes over to a sink and (as a tribute to Vern) washes his hands.
Rourke and Snipes, on the other hand...
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
07:58:02 PM
...have to double team Danny Trejo, as they have both lost loved ones to his homicidal activities.
Hogan to die in the toilet is good shit...
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
07:58:47 PM
and the tribute to Vern cracked me up!I assume your "More on that later" means you work on something huge there for the DTV classic TLBT!
I don't have a lot in mind for Hunter/Falco
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
08:05:55 PM
I just have two words: Chainsaw fight.
RE:have to double team Danny Trejo...
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
08:11:25 PM
that should be the point where the Psycho partner of Trejo enters the picture,I am talking about.....SEAGAL!In a Flashback is revealed how he used his Black-OP`s skills to cover up for Trejo and only then we learn that it was him who killed Rourke`s daughter(he mumbles:"she was a sweet girl,but Buddha called for her")and then goes on to use his nifty Aikido moves to kill Rourke(one of them has to die)and disappear mysteriosly from the rooftop(sets him up for the lead Bad guy in part 2).
Mumbling Seagal
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
08:13:34 PM
The actual dialogue should be "She was a sweet girl but, uh, Buddha called for her." [cocky head twitch]
Seagal = Trejo's half-brother?
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
08:15:52 PM
Trejo would have to be a loner by nature. And only a brother would cover up for such a scumbag
Suggestion for Rourke's name
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
08:18:06 PM
How does Jebediah Hess sound?
Also...
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
08:23:34 PM
Dean Cain should be DEPUTY Director Falco. The corrupt fuckers are always just below the guy in charge.
That is DTV at his finest!I cannot tell you how...
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
08:26:47 PM
insane this Seagal = Trejo's half-brother shit is!That is the true spirit of DTV(serious),that idea NAILS it so good it hurts!And what a twist!When it came to be a real movie every DTV fan would go nuts(positive).I am amazed how much true DTV is flying around here!Thats what happens when TB`s let it flow!DTV-GOLD!I wish we could pull a Uwe Boll and find some dudes to do it!
RE:Jebediah Hess,good one...
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
08:30:10 PM
put an F.in for FRITZ and I buy it(it is not importent,but it kills the credits).
He could say something like
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
08:30:46 PM
"Mom says hi" or some shit. Just something to let the audience know that they're brothers. Or we can got the extra DTV mile and have there be a fifteen minute scene of exposition with flashbacks that stops the movie dead in its tracks.
Have to go now,Good night Ladies and Gents.
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
08:32:08 PM
See ya later!
They could call Rourke either "Hess" or "Jeb"
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
08:32:53 PM
That's why I chose it. It also sounds vaguely Amish, so you have to wonder about childhood.
They could call Rourke either "Hess" or "Jeb"
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 13th, 2008
08:32:58 PM
That's why I chose it. It also sounds vaguely Amish, so you have to wonder about his childhood.
Mom says hi! Yep!
by travis-dane
Jan 13th, 2008
08:33:54 PM
Lets see what the others make of it!night!
chuck norris wears danny trejo pajamas
by ironic_name
Jan 13th, 2008
11:57:56 PM
danny should play twins, one a drug lord, the other a dea officer, seperated at birth, I'd watch that.
and don't tell me you don't know AL LEONG!
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
12:01:17 AM
hes in every movie ever made.

including a trip to the moon, by melies.

and cary hiroyuki takanawa.

a year ago i thought about movie funded by talkbackers
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
12:23:52 AM
it was a murder mystery, like seven.

someone was carving "GOTTA EAT!" and "I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH.." into the bodies of talkbackers, and harry, quint and vern were all dead, quint fed to sharks, harry tied to a chair and forced to watch american godzilla till his eyes bled etc.

all the talkbackers are suspects, and the survivour are not going to cooperate, because they disagree about how bad the movie transformers designs are.

after a while at the alamo, survivors are rounded up by a showing big trouble in little china on the big screen, with kurt russell doing a Q+A after, then the trouble begins as a duststorm rages outside and the nerds from aicn are stuck in a room, waiting out the storm and the killer..

john carpenter is first choice director, mcweeny would provide the script, harry would give praise to the script, etcetera.

maybe if TLBT makes cash, this could be our second film!

and the survivors are not going to cooperate
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
12:25:15 AM
correction
BLOOD BROTHERS
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
12:32:16 AM
DEA Agent Frank Reyes (Danny Trejo) has spent years tracking an infamous drug dealer known only as The Ghost. He has never been photographed and no one outside of the inner circle of his drug cartel has ever seen his face. Reyes is finally pushed over the edge when his ex-partner (Josh Duhamel, television's "Las Vegas") is brutally slain by members of the cartel, while on assignment in Bogotá. Reyes then begins his quest for revenge, turning in his shield and plunging head first into the underworld of the Colombian drug trade. It quickly becomes apparent, however, that all may not be as it seems. For the face that has haunted him... the face that he has been pursuing for ten years... is the face he SEES IN THE MIRROR EVERY DAY.
one suggestion for tlbt
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
12:35:53 AM
chuck norris plays the president.

if, y'know there are any good scenes for the president in the movie i.e. vietnam flashback of steven and danny being given purple harts for saving an entire village of hot naked babes, and maybe afterwards, steven throws his medal into a lake in alaska, where he went to live as a medicine man after 'nam.

also, cary hiroyuki takanawa would play a serial killer who speaks only in sound bytes ["lucy, you got sum splainin ta do!"] called mister prophet.

caruso_stalker217
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
12:37:41 AM
I would watch the FUCK outta that!
I'm going to make some dvd covers
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
12:43:42 AM
check soon.
Save it for the sequel, ironic_name
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
12:44:25 AM
This thing is getting complicated as hell, even for DTV standards. Though I love the idea of Norris playing the President.
blood brothers dvd cover
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
01:26:51 AM
http://tinyurl.com/2oxsev

nothin special, will get to work on TLBT.

I dig it
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
01:37:58 AM
Though Danny should be wearing sunglasses. I love the inclusion of Rae Dawn Chong. She could play either the Ghost's annoying girlfriend who mistakes Reyes for his twin, or Reyes' annoying ex-wife who complains too much about how he doesn't spend enough time with their kids. Dafoe can play Reyes' superior who tells him to drop the case and Cary Takanawa can be a high-ranking Yakuza boss doing business with the Ghost.
Ich habe einen guten Schiss gehabt
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
04:06:11 AM
Just thought you all should know. Also, I don't speak German, so that probably didn't make any sense.
I got it,thanks for the info.
by travis-dane
Jan 14th, 2008
04:48:04 AM
Almost correct
"I have one good shit had"?
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
04:48:55 AM
"I am a donut" - JFK

or maybe not. http://tinyurl.com/3dcbk8

JFK did have a hole in him, maybe he was donut?
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
04:50:16 AM
"I er ah am a donut!"
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
04:51:08 AM
The man was obviously on drugs.
Am I the only person here up at an indecent hour?
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
04:52:58 AM
Also, I'm actually writing BLOOD BROTHERS
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
04:54:24 AM
Dammit, I can't get it out of my head. I've got the names of most of the major characters, even a few crucial scenes written or outlined. I'm a sick individual.
You need to sleep caruso.We dont even finished...
by travis-dane
Jan 14th, 2008
05:02:49 AM
the epic TLBT!Is it the sequel or a stand alone movie?I think one of the 44 sequels to Kickboxer was called "BLOOD BROTHERS"too.
That's why...
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
05:07:00 AM
...I'm trying to refrain from talking about it. We have enough on our plates just trying to sort through the penultimate DTV film TWO LANE BLOOD-TOP. And no. BLOOD BROTHERS is not a sequel, but rather a stand-alone film to act as a starring vehicle for Danny Trejo. This TLBT business has got me thinking. What if each actor got their own DTV film, written especially for them? I have ideas for other DTV films for Mickey Rourke, Wesley Snipes, and Eric Roberts. If curiosity gets the best of you, I might reveal this ideas. Though even I am afraid of what the consequences might be.
Whenever you think the time is right...
by travis-dane
Jan 14th, 2008
05:16:57 AM
to hit us with BLOOD BROTHERS or any other movie,just do it.I would like to see somebody like you or Spandau(stuntcock is busy with music)round up the TLBT(would do it myself,but it took forever writing the opening and I am a slow typer).Looking forward to your work.Have to shop now.Later.
I don't feel I can touch BLOOD-TOP right now
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
05:22:02 AM

That one has enough cooks in the kitchen as is. I'm comfortable pitching the occasional idea, but there are far more capable people here to tackle that beast. Right now BLOOD BROTHERS has me by the balls and I have three other imaginary projects gnawing away at me.

Also, I dug your opening of TLBT. Danny Trejo driving around in a Chevy without shirt. Classic.

TWO LANE BLOOD TOP dvd cover
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
05:29:32 AM
http://tinyurl.com/yrltto
Hahaha!
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
05:40:26 AM
I love it, man! Nice addition of Mark Dacascos and Al Leong. And I see Hogan's name is appropriately larger.
And damn you for putting that idea...
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
05:41:49 AM
...of Danny Trejo as twins in my head. Now I can't rest until I've written a highly mediocre script around it.
my dolph lundgren DTV pitch
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
05:45:51 AM
Russian supersoldier is frozen after world war two and subsequently forgotten about, in the present his cryo chamber is found and sold to an American collector of art installations.

upon waking he has one thought, "MUST KILL PRESIDENT!"

basically, less of a movie, more of an exercise in showing this mad russian's pain threshold.

key scene: three quarters into the movie, he stops at a convenience store, and uses concrete, superglue and staplers to plug various gunshots, not to mention he has a backpack full of blood from a hospital, with I.Vs in his veins replacing the 7 pints hes lost.

Dude, I have the best fucking title for that...
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
05:47:27 AM
THE COLDER WAR.
caruso_stalker217, fuck talking about it, lets pitch to hollywoo
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
05:47:40 AM
we will have cocaine and hookers and sportscars in no time!
My other ideas are nowhere near that ridiculous
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
05:48:22 AM
Well, except maybe my Mickey Rourke movie.
THE COLDER WAR - you are a fucking genius
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
05:48:55 AM
hookers and coke.
I'll take the hookers
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
05:49:43 AM
And leave the sports cars and blow for Michael Bay. Maybe he'll get high and drive his Ferarri off a bridge or something.
I haven't slept
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
05:50:14 AM
I think better that way.
TLBT, Blood Brothers and The Colder War..
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
05:55:15 AM
..truly, the movies they watch Heaven.
the movies they watch IN Heaven.
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
05:56:38 AM
sleep is for pussies and people who can spell properly.
*lame fist bump*
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
05:57:50 AM
HELLS YEAH!
And you haven't even heard my ideas...
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
05:58:18 AM
For Rourke, Snipes, and Roberts.
I'm actually a little frightened to hear them. I'm not being cut
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
06:03:58 AM
..I really am a tiny bit frightened that they will be so kickass, the fact that they aren't real movies will break my heart.
"cut" is norwiegian for "cute"
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
06:05:04 AM
You can take solace in the possibility...
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
06:07:15 AM
...that some kid is being paid by some studio to skim through sites like these looking for ideas that they can steal. Imagine if they stole those ideas and twisted them into something awful and generic and destroyed everything that was wonderful about them. This was supposed to be an inspirational speech to comfort you, but actually this is pretty depressing. Sorry about that.
I thought you were trying to assure me...
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
06:08:11 AM
...that someone wasn't going at you with a knife.
some kid being paid by a studio?
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
06:15:04 AM
boborci will be calling Russell Mulcahy tomorrow.

Blood brothers and the Colder war © and ™ Ironic_name and caruso_stalker217

That'll show the fuckers
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
06:16:25 AM
Good work.
Read at own risk! Outline for AN EYE FOR AN EYE
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
06:33:08 AM

(alternate title: OEDIPUS WRECKS)

That's right. It's a modern re-telling of the Greek tragedy of Oedipus. Mickey Rourke plays Rex Edwards, a man destined to murder his father and marry his mother (as told to him by a blind fortune teller). His father Wick is a wealthy corporate tycoon who made his fortune in polyester. When Rex was born, Wick saw to it that the child was put up for adoption, as he was notorious for an irrational hatred for children. His wife (Oscar winner Cher) was told that the child died in birth.

Now, years later, Rex has returned to the town of his birth, after learning from his parents that he was adopted. He is soon involved in a traffic collision with Wick. An argument ensues and Rex, having battled rage all his life, kills him with a baseball bat. Guilt-ridden, he shows up at the funeral where he meets his birth mother.

It isn't long before they begin a highly taboo relationship, though neither is aware of it. Soon they are married. Throughout the film Rex will have several confrontations with the local mafia, who want to buy the polyester company he now owns. These confrontations will often be violent. Warehouses will be firebombed. Rex will be threatened at home. Eventually it will come out that Rex and Oscar winner Cher are mother and son. Cher commits suicide by OD'ing on sleeping pills and Rex puts out his eyes with a hot fire poker.

Thus begins an extremely ridiculous quest for revenge. Now blind, but having heightened other senses, Rex cuts a bloody swath through the people who have wronged him. He walks straight into mob territory, cutting down wise guys left and right with a sawed-off shotgun. "Keep your hands off my polyester," he tells the mob boss, just before blasting him in the face.

He tracks down the corrupt adoption agency that his parents got him from and learns that they are selling babies illegally all over the world. It's up to Rex to bring the agency down, using nearly every form of weaponry known to man. At some point he will have to one-up Chow Yun Fat in HARD BOILED by saving an entire hospital ward of babies, strapping them to his body, while firing two M-16s simultaneously.

ironic_name:your TLBT cover RULES DTV!
by travis-dane
Jan 14th, 2008
06:37:43 AM
Even my girlfriend laughed out loud and said:"I wanna see that movie"!AND she HATES:Dolph,Seagal and Rourke!We achieved something here.If she goes with it,it is a winner.
Keep your hands off my polyester!that made me cry...
by travis-dane
Jan 14th, 2008
06:45:19 AM
tears of joy!Insane shit!That reminds me of the whole Johnny Depp being blind thing in once upon a time....And guys I would love to see a movie with Agent Sands Blind Samurai style shit.RR mentioned something like that on the commentary track.
travis-dane
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
06:48:16 AM

To tell the truth, I only had those first two paragraphs to start with. Then it completely took on a life of its own as I was typing. Strapping babies to his body? I don't even know where that came from.

I, too, would love to see a movie with Agent Sands. He was my favorite character in OUATIM.

You should never sleep again caruso!
by travis-dane
Jan 14th, 2008
06:53:58 AM
You would slowly turn into one of the highest paid writers in the DTV business!And a sunlight hating creep!
The ideas I can come up with...
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
06:57:40 AM
...it's the execution that's a bitch. I'm thinking about BLOOD BROTHERS at the moment and I've got points A, B and C. But I know in order to get from A to B to C I've got to write shit. That's why I've got roughly thirty usable story ideas and no way to realize them. I mean, I know writing is a pain in the ass. But it's almost impossible for me.
ironic_name
by Stuntcock Mike
Jan 14th, 2008
07:00:35 AM
Awesome cover. Segal! Too bad Katherine Heigel is so big right now. We could get her to reprise her Under Siege 2 bubble butted-ness.
you want an Eric Roberts vehicle? I give you THE WICKER MAN 2:
by Spandau Belly
Jan 14th, 2008
07:08:25 AM
Roberts plays an ex-cage fighter and the brother to Nicholas Cage's character from the first film. Roberts discovers his brother has gone missing, but can't find out anything without paying a P.I. (Richard Roundtree) good money to investigate. So Roberts agrees to do one more cage fight to raise the funds.

Roundtree tells Roberts that Cage was last seen heading for Sommerisle, and he's going to go there to investigate. After not hearing from Roundtree for a week Roberts heads to the island himself and starts asking about Roundtree and Cage and finds the locals hostile. The thing quickly turns into a Seagalist film with Roberts fighting all the ladies of the island.

Then I want the thing to go in more of a direction like BLADE, where the High Priestess of Sommerisle (Lena Headly would be good in this role) wants to resurrect some ancient God and gain its powers, but she needs Roberts's blood. So she lures him to a big Temple of Doom style temple where he has to fight the entire village and ultimately traps the High Priestess in a wicker man and burns her alive.
full title THE WICKER MAN 2: AFTERBURN
by Spandau Belly
Jan 14th, 2008
07:09:13 AM
Tag line: Revenge fueled his fire.
I love it, Spandau
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
07:10:54 AM
My Roberts vehicle is also a revenge picture, though it is somewhat... classier. Not to shit on WICKER MAN 2: AFTERBURN.
THE WICKER MAN 2:narration of Roberts for the finale:
by travis-dane
Jan 14th, 2008
07:20:47 AM
"Some BITCHES allways try to iceskate uphill!"and the burns her.
Wicker Man 2 Third act revelation
by Spandau Belly
Jan 14th, 2008
07:24:56 AM
Richard Roundtree was in on the whole thing, but after he tells Roberts the whole plan and how he played him, the High Priestess chucks Roundtree into a pit of fire.

I'd also like to enlist some classier actresses to play the women of Sommerisle than last time when they had Leelee Sobieski and Kathy Bates. This time I'm thinking more Russ Meyer style casting.
Jenna Jameson for hot"I wanna get out of this"...
by travis-dane
Jan 14th, 2008
07:35:39 AM
Babe(and sex interest for Roberts),she of course dies a gruesome death,when impaled by a giant dildo like Wicker man made of steel!And Roberts narrating:"She never saw that one COMING!",when he finds her dead.
Read at own risk! Outline for HELL CAN WAIT
by caruso_stalker217
Jan 14th, 2008
07:39:15 AM

(generic North American title: TERMINAL VENGEANCE)

"Everyone has regrets. We've all made mistakes. My regret is that I trusted you with my family. My mistake was not killing you when I had the chance."

So says Eric Roberts' character Max Bentley, just before putting a bullet between the eyes of his old friend Bart Fontaine (David Caruso). But I'm getting ahead of myself. That's at the end of the picture. Let's jump back to the beginning.

Max is a crime kingpin. He lives in the lap of luxury surrounded by every comfort of a wealthy life. He has a beautiful wife and three ridiculously wonderful children. The FBI watches his every move, looking for any reason to bring him in. Everything changes when he enters a deal with a French drug dealer (Tchéky Karyo) and flies to Paris to negotiate. While he is away, his right-hand man Bart (who has been banging Max's wife) stages a daring takeover, killing all who are loyal to Max. He accidentally kills the wife during a struggle.

Max now finds himself a fugitive after Bart provides the FBI with all the information they need to nail his ass to the wall. Protected by France's non extradition laws, unable to return home, he spends the next twenty years building a new life for himself. But always harboring a hatred for Bart. He gets himself a beautiful French wife (Isabelle Huppert) and settles down in a quiet French town.

The film finally kicks into high gear when it is discovered that Max has a degenerative brain disease. There is no treatment or cure. The doctors give him six months to live. He decides it is time to return home. He will have to smuggle himself into the United States. From there he will begin his quest for vengeance.

Meanwhile, Bart is busy doing fucked up criminal shit. He has taken it upon himself to raise Max's kids, who do not know that he killed their mother. Though one may suspect it. This is not a blow-shit-up-drive-a-car-throu gh-a-mall kind of revenge picture. This is much more somber and depressing. There is plenty of badass moments. Max has to work his way up the food chain, since he no longer has any contacts with the underworld. At one point he visits the prostitute girlfriend of one of Bart's enforcers. He coerces some information out of her and she sends him to a bar where he gets ambushed. He survives the attack, smashing a man's head through a mirror, blasting a guy with a shotgun, and then beating a guy's head to pulp with the butt. He returns to the hooker's apartment, not intending to be courteous this time. Before she has a chance to open the door he kicks it in, hitting her in the forhead. He forces his way in and chases her into the kitchen where she has been boiling noodles. As he walks in she flings the boiling pot at him, which he sidesteps. He moves toward her, grabs her, and then holds her face above the hot stove top, telling her to give him the right information or she'll "only have half a face."

Man, I wrote way to much about this. That's just a taste of what I've got. Feel free to tell me what sucks and what blows about it.

julie strain and shannon tweed as twins anna lee and ora lee
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
07:42:24 AM
for wickerman2
the doctor who tells about the brain disease: robert patrick
by ironic_name
Jan 14th, 2008
07:45:35 AM
mamie van doren as thier mother, virgina lee
by ironic_name