International Eye Candy
September 17, 2008

This edition of the ol’ International Eye Candy comes in the wake of the 2008 Toronto International Film Festival, during which I ignored all matters of business other than watching and reviewing films at the fest. And so when I sat down at the desk at Twitch-central today to sort what trailers had come in during the last two weeks it was with a note of concern because I simply had no idea what was there. But no worries! We got Swedish masturbation, kung fu o’plenty, Spanish scifi, Russian spies, and good ol’ British splatter! Onwards!

We begin in China with THE EQUATION OF LOVE AND DEATH, one mighty slick looking crime thriller. Take a love sick cab driver, a drug dealer, a murder and assorted other motley elements and what do you get? Well, in this case you get a film that looks to play out like equal parts Michael Mann and vintage PT Anderson. If the movie even comes close to living up to the trailer this is going to be one of the highlights of the year.

EQUATION trailer here

From China we head to my home native land where we stand on guard for thee and children are lying, cheating, stealing, swearing bastards. The film is IT’S NOT ME, I SWEAR; it comes out of Quebec – where the French language film industry puts the Canuck English language industry to shame – and word is that this was the cream of the Canadian crop at TIFF, which makes me a little cranky that I missed it.

IT’S NOT ME trailer here

When will we tire of including stuff from TOKYO GORE POLICE in the ol’ IEC? Just as soon as they stop releasing more stuff like this. Sure, you’ll come for the splatter – and there’s lots of that – but part of what makes TGP so compelling is the detail work that went into creating a compelling world, and a big part of THAT is the quartet of mock-ads playing on televisions throughout the film. A sample? Well, there’s the anti-harikiri PSA, and the group of schoolgirls squealing about how cute their new wrist-slashing knives are. You get the idea … it’s sharp, nasty satire and all four have been released online.

All the TOKYO GORE you can handle here

Whether you know it as BATTLE OF THE PLANETS or G FORCE or under the original title of GATCHAMAN there’s no denying that the original anime series has been hugely influential, one of the first bits of Japanese animation to really cross over to America in a big way. Along with ASTRO BOY it was the first anime I was ever exposed to and my sister and I were totally fanatics for a couple years. And now it’s getting the CGI feature film treatment, coming from the same Hong Kong studio that produced the animated TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES flick. The first teaser has been released and it’s looking sweeeeeeet ….

Get yer GATCHAMAN here

Okay, I promised you a masturbating Swede and I here he is. Billed as the ‘least romantic comedy ever’ FATSO is the story of a porn addicted man – the titular fatso – trying to strike up a relationship in the real world. Look at that poster. Pretty much tells you all you need to know, really. You might want to be aware of who’s standing behind you when you check out the teaser for this one … I’m okay with it but your boss may feel a little differently than me when it comes to the extreme lactation.

Click here to share in FATSO’s dream

We’ve already hit Canada this time out and I wouldn’t want our fearsome southern neighbors to feel left out so here we go on a brief sojourn in the good ol’ USA for SOUTH OF HEAVEN. How to describe this one … it’s a wee bit of DICK TRACY with a wee bit of spaghetti western and giallo stylings thrown in for good measure. You’ve never seen anything quite like this one. Austinites will have the chance to see it on the big screen where it belongs at Fantastic Fest.

Head SOUTH OF HEAVEN here

He’s got flowing blond locks and a can full of laser gun whoop-ass. Yes, kids, big budget Russian scifi blockbuster INHABITED ISLAND returns to the land of International Eye Candy courtesy of a brand new and significantly longer trailer. It’s based on a novel by the same guys who wrote Tarkovsky’s STALKER, directed by the guy who did the stellar war picture 9TH COMPANY, and is one of the biggest budget Russian films ever. Rumblings are the Weinsteins are sniffing around it so expect it on these shores eventually but there’s no need to wait for the trailer …

Visit the ISLAND here

Though Korea’s Kim Ki-Duk has been in a bit of a slump lately – TIME and BREATH both underswhelmed – but it looks like the director of 3 IRON is back on form with his latest, SAD DREAM. Japanese mega-star Joe Odagiri stars in this surreal romance about a man and a woman brought together when they discover that the woman is sleepwalking the man’s dreams every night, not a good thing when one of them involved killing a man in a brutal traffic accident.

Enter the DREAM here

Okay, I promised you some kung fu and it’s time to deliver. Wu Jing is the most likely candidate to take up the kung fu mantle – he has the same master as Jet Li and was a multiple time Chinese national wushu champion – and is pushing forward in his quest to become exactly that by directing his own star vehicle, LEGENDARY ASSASSIN. Wu being a first time director means that the budget is small, Wu being Wu means that the kung fu is fantastic. This guy’s got the goods …

Find the LEGENDARY ASSASSIN trailers here

Fabrice du Welz’s VINYAN proved to be one of the more divisive films at the big Toronto fest – I thought it fell apart pretty badly in the back half, one of the other guys at Twitch thinks it’s one of the best films of the year – but here we are giving you another chance to decide for yourself. A third extended scene from the film has just been released for your perusal …

Check all three clips and the trailer here

Remember a few entries up when I said INHABITED ISLAND was one of the biggest budget films ever to come out of Russia? Yeah, this is it’s main competition. In production seemingly forever the release of horror story VIY has been pushed back to 2009 to coincide with the 200th birthday of novelist Nikolai Gogol – he wrote the source novel – and give the producers time to keep fiddling with the post production. And it looks like it’s paying off – every successive trailer looks better and the latest is the best of the lot. It still seems like a weird blend of A-film production values and B-film schlock but it’s a pretty compelling blend in my book …

A trio of VIY trailers here

We’ll hang out in Russia a little while longer but move the action up to the present day. The film is INVICIBLE, a spy thriller that could easily be a 1980s beefcake action flick, only with better production values. Big guns, big explosions, big breasts having shower-sex. It’s everything a growing boy needs.

Are you INVINCIBLE?

A bit more fu? You betcha. Hong Kong is finally realizing that it’s stars are aging fast and that other than Wu Jing there’s very little in the way of young, established stars ready to take the reins when Jet Li and Jackie Chan finally pack it in. So now they’re scrambling to find the next ones. Jackie just held a reality show contest to anoint his disciple, upcoming flick WUSHU is clearly designed to introduce some new talents and now here come CHAMPIONS, meant to do exactly the same thing. You don’t know these kids yet, but you will. They’re good and the action comes fast in a very old-school sort of way …

CHAMPIONS trailer here

I freely confess to not being the most knowlegable fellow in the world when it comes to Japan’s Shinobu Yaguchi but the writer-director has a HUGE following around the world thanks to his hits WATERBOYS and SWING GIRLS and he’s back with his distinctive brand of comedy. His protagonists have gotten a bit older this time, though, and he’s taking to the air – HAPPY FLIGHT is set in the world of airline attendants. Teaser’s brief but a hell of a lot of fun …

Board the FLIGHT here

We’re in the home stretch now, with just three entries left in this edition of International Eye Candy and we hand it to Spanish cult director Alex de la Iglesia to bring us home. Yeah, Iglesia’s working on a big budget project with Kenneth Branagh right now but before he gets to that he’s polishing up PLUTON BRB NERO, a cult scifi comedy series he prepared and directed for Spanish TV. Been waiting for Iglesia to get back to his roots? He just did.

Check the PLUTON teaser here

Our penultimate offering also comes from Spain, this one in the form of stop motion short CABARET KADNE. If you’re attending Fantastic Fest this year then keep an eye out for a short by the title of VIOLETA – a gruesome bit of work that will burn a hole in your soul – then come back and take another look at this because it’s the latest by the same directorial duo. In the right hands stop motion is one of the most disturbing things there is and these are definitely the right hands …

Visit the CABARET here

And to wrap things up we head to England and Jake West’s DOGHOUSE. West, you may recall, was the director of ridiculously fun splatter picture EVIL ALIENS and he swears up and down that this is the best thing he’s ever been involved with. Great cast – Danny Dyer of SEVERANCE, Stephen Graham of SNATCH and THIS IS ENGLAND – West’s wicked sense of humor and buckets of blood to bring it all home. It’s the story of a van full of men out on a drunken bender to help a friend through a rough divorce when they break down in a village populated by women driven mad by some airborne toxin. Watch out for the scissors, boys …

Check the DOGHOUSE trailer here