Unfuckingbelievably unspeakably awful. THE LOVE GURU is astonishingly rancid. There's a part of me, that wants THE LOVE GURU to make like 75 Million opening weekend. Why? So that the entire - giant film going audience marks Mike Myers' death as a comedian.

Reviews of this film are nearly universally grotesquely negative - and with good reason. With this film, Myers puts a shotgun in the mouth of comedy and kills it. This isn't merely a bad film, but a painful experience that you keep telling yourself to leave. However, I have a very strong belief in witnessing the terror. People had to survive the Holocaust to hold those responsible, responsible. This film isn't as bad as the Holocaust. Nothing could be. But in the realm of film going experiences - it's a third trimester abortion. It is a pregnant woman smoking a cigarette and drinking a Coors Light.

Myers not only tells alleged attempts at jokes - but often time spends minutes of screen time attempting to explain why the joke is funny... He's like that Comedy School guy that tries to teach BORAT comedy... but with no BORAT in the room.

I saw THE HAPPENING - it was the film before this that I saw in theaters. It's getting a lot of shit - and make no bones about it, THE HAPPENING is a very bad film. But at least it had a premise - at least it was momentarily compelling in places. This was a painful film experience. Imagine injecting hydrochloric acid into your left teste... or right breast. Imagine following that up with injections throughout your body.

THE LOVE GURU is one of the most inept pathetic terrifyingly awful experiences I've ever suffered through.

As the audience walked out - they all had that 100 yard stare. We'd all seen shit that makes shit seem HELLO KITTY cuddily. I know someone I highly respect that apparently liked and enjoyed this film. I don't think ill of him. I am just completely and utterly at a loss. I can't imagine an instance or moment that one could grasp ahold of and not want to choke to an early grave.

Seriously - the only enjoyment I can imagine with this film - is watching your fellow audience members - and ponder their faces as they witness this atrocity. OR - like in my theater - there were 4 ladies sitting to my left that actually laughed throughout the film. They were literally alone. They were middle-aged and seemingly lucid. I can not account for their reactions.

BEWARE - SEE AT YOUR OWN RISK